The Spoken Word

One Sunday we were late for the beginning of Sacrament meeting and we were in the foyer. It was me, my three youngest and their uncle Kurt. My baby indicated forcefully that he wanted to nurse, so as soon as we had received the bread and water, we snuck into the mother's lounge. I got situated and was feeding his Majesty the Starving One and J.B. and Mimi were standing over by the light switch, so J.B. could participate in his favorite light show. I used the phrase "Do not body slam your sister" a few times, to help keep the peace.

A voice came over the loud speaker (our 82 year old Bishop) in the room that keeps the lactating ladies in touch with the outside world. "Do you hear that J.B.? That is church that you can hear. Do you know who's voice that is?" You could see his thoughts forming. His face lit up with realization and he said..."Jesus?"

Christ is a real-life, living, breathing, entity to these little primary children. Is He for the rest of us? Deep thought.

Leprechaun Offspring

We celebrate St. Patrick's Day each year in our own special ways, but this year was unique even for us. Our traditional meal is not that nasty corned beef trash, but GREEN meat loaf, GREEN mashed potatoes and gravy, GREEN jello, salad with avocado and a GREEN vegetable. Great additions would be Green Goddess salad dressing, kiwi and limeade, etc. Anything green is welcome. We used to make green breakfast, but it was very disturbing to eat bright green pancakes, eggs and milk. The meatloaf is a more natural looking shade of green somehow, but the potatoes still have a strange look to them.

The recipe for my SubLIME Jello is at the end of this blog. It is yummy! This year I pureed apricots from my own tree for the recipe, which is epic.

My first grade daughter Mimi's class had a Leprechaun visit this year and mess up their room. He put chairs on the teachers desks, stacked the students' chairs, put things askew and left gold foil covered coins for the kids. That was a few days before the 17th. Then Leprechauns came again on St. Patrick's day. Each one left a note for the first graders. My daughter got a letter from Lily the Leprechaun. They had read a book that said the little people are the size of a human thumb, very strong and full of mischief.

At home, Mimi built a trap in the garden to trap a Leprechaun and a playground in the dirt for their nighttime outings. We never saw or caught one of the wee folk, but we did find some Andy's mints that they left Mimi in the trap she rigged. Andy is probably an Irish mint maker and that's why they chose that particular kind of candy, I guess.

So here is how this whole Leprechaun experience applies to life at our house...

While preparing our green grub, I was immersed in stress as I usually am at mealtimes with strong-willed children under foot. Benj and J.B. were "starving to death" and trying to eat any snack food they could get their hands on, the baby was fussing, Mimi was missing in action and my oldest was at sports practice. Amidst all the joy of zoo keeping in the kitchen, J.B. takes a FULL hard plastic 2 gallon water jug and drops it on the ground. It exploded like a bomb full of nails hitting hard rock and covered the floor in about two seconds. To say that I was a little distressed would be a gargantuan understatement. I kicked everyone out of the kitchen, and put J.B. in the backyard with the slider locked until I could clean the flooded floor without him splashing in the puddles. My oldest came home and brought me towels and we saved the day, but what "joy" I had in the meantime. Dinner was late, to say the least, but still yummy, (if you don't count the meatloaf briquettes that I made, which I don't because they were dry, but not inedible).

I have come to a strange conclusion about my three-year-old given his tendency toward mischief making. Maybe he is the offspring of a Leprechaun! I did have an Irish great-grandmother in my family tree. Maybe there is a recessive gene from one of the little people that chose to emerge in my generation. If I can just hang on until his adulthood, perhaps we will find that elusive pot of gold and he can help finance my retirement years.



St. Patty's Sublime Jello

1 Box lime jello
1 can Kern's Apricot Nectar (11.5 oz in aluminum soda can)
Assorted non-acidic fruit (Optional)

Prepare jello according to package directions, except using apricot nectar instead of cold water. (If you are using a family size box of gelatin, use nectar and any additional water needed to make the 2 cups of liquid). I prepare the jello in a large glass measuring cup so I can pour it into individual containers and also because any unmixed powder stays in my original container and not the finished product. Add fruit immediately and refrigerate until set.


Source for Image: http://www.flickr.com/photos/pcka/3375900731/

Dental Surgery

My son Benjamin had his third dental surgery this morning. He lets the dentist look in his mouth, but that is about it. His first surgery was less than a year after we moved here when he was about 6 years old. He had to get four fillings and four crowns at a full retail price tag of about $10k. The second one, he only had a cleaning and sealants applied. This time he got a cleaning and a filling fixed, so not too bad. We have private insurance on him and medicaid. We don't use medicaid for the other kids, because they are a lot less complicated and expensive.

Ben's first surgery was an unknown. We were very concerned that the "mask" would totally freak him out, so they gave him an anesthetic in a shot instead. While he was in the operating room, the anesthesiologist found that Ben's airways are much smaller than he first thought and require infant-sized tubing rather than child-sized. So Ben's airways were more aggravated than normal. The procedure went well, but recovery did not. I was there alone, seven months pregnant with J.B., because my husband had thrown his back out the day before. Benj wouldn't stay awake. He would wake up and throw up bile and blood and fall back asleep. Our procedure had been at 8:00 a.m. and by early afternoon, we were still there. Finally, around two or three, I was told that we could go home if someone could sit in the back with Benjamin and monitor him so that he wouldn't choke or anything. My husband came, walking carefully and crookedly and we took our boy home. He slept for most of two days and for two days after that, barely slept at all. Obviously the anesthetic was much more effective than anticiipated. We never know how chemicals will affect him. he is wired differently than the rest of us.

We learned from our first experience and used the mask with the second surgery. We even had blood work done while he was unconscious. We tested him for allergies to foods so that we could know if we should try a gluten-free diet. His results came back negative, thankfully. That gluten-free stuff is not my first choice by any means. That surgery was pretty uneventful just like today's. Hallelujah.


We did bloodwork this time too to check for any signs of diabetes because he is so overweight and urinates very frequently. We want to catch things as early as possible and prevent if we can.

In a few years when we do this again, they want to use the shot again because he is getting so big. That will be fun.

Plop on the Pergo

My three-year-old came downstairs dressed like Adam, without a fig leaf, and announces "I pooped on the floor." This is not a new occurrence in my illustrious career, So I grab the wipes and head upstairs to assess the damage.

"I peed on the stairs." That was obvious, so a towel is put down and pressure applied, then I continue upstairs. Wood floors are the perfect surface for random toileting acts. It could have been much worse. I scoop up the two little poop logs and my daughter helps by using a towel to get the liquid. The baby plays close by and is gracious not to get in the way. It was easy.

At least five minutes later...J.B.comes down again with his little brother close behind him. "The baby ate my poop," he says. Yeah, right! Then I smell the baby's hand and notice some brown stuff on his face. We had pizza for dinner with red sauce. I immediately send my oldest son and his friend upstairs to look for anything that I might have missed and they find nothing.

Mimi comes down and I told her that J.B. says the baby ate his poop. She says "Oh yeah, he did Mom. He picked it up and put it in his mouth and it made him choke. Then he dropped it." I questioned her about why she didn't mention this while I was up doing hazardous waste containment. I hadn't noticed any bite marks or other indicators on my own, so I didn't think to ask. She apparently didn't think it was that big of a deal to report on. I happen to think that when your fourteen month old eats poop that it is a matter of huge importance. What crappy communication, literally.

As for the baby, he seems to have no lasting trauma from this fecal fiasco. He demonstrated his full recovery by splashing in the upstairs toilet. Obviously he ain't afeared of...nothin'.





(Photo source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/gregoryjameswalsh/3052917304/)

Lights Out!

So I sit here in the dark, typing by the blue glow of the computer screen. I know that kids go through stages and that parents just need to be patient while the stage is in full swing. BUT, for Pete's sake, and the rest of us too, turn on the lights and leave them alone!

This is not just one child who leaves us in the shadows, but two of them. Benjamin and his twin brother six years removed love turning off the lights to leave us all flailing in the darkness to get our bearings. Usually they wait until your hands are full of heavy or awkward objects or squirming children. I think that there must be bonus points for getting people to yell immediately after the switch is flipped because they are in mortal peril.

Screaming is definitely a perk to the whole operation. I know that turning off the lights is to get a reaction and it sure works. It makes me crazy (not that I need any help)!! This behavior is used in all settings including school, church and public places of all kinds that dare display a light switch.

Too bad there isn't some kind of Babies R' Us mini-shocker that can be placed on the switch to deliver a little spark of discomfort discouraging such behavior. That is probably a good thing because with my luck my boys would figure a way around the shocker, and turn off the light while I am holding a wiggly one-year-old and in my haste to turn the light back on, I would shock myself. Yeah, that's how my life is sometimes. Okay, all of the time.

Turn on the light! As soon as I can see you, you are in big trouble, mister!