Split Lip Gum

Church is a lot of work. By the time we get all five children dressed and ready to go, throw something on our own bodies and head to the car, we are already worn out. Then we fasten them all into their various car seats or "encourage" them to squeeze into the back seat where the oldest son immediately starts teasing his sister. Often, we split them into two separate vehicles so that we can have an escape vehicle for when, not if, our son Benjamin is simply done being at church. We have begun to bring the portable DVD player with Disney CARS (without the volume and sitting as far back as possible) to help us survive Sacrament Meeting. That is an hour and twenty minutes of intense parenting coping skills put to the test.



We bring amazing snack bags to entice our younger children to sit still and greedily stuff their faces with carbohydrate rich fruit loops, fish crackers, chips and fruit snacks. Our "firstborn son in the wilderness" as we lovingly call him, gets nada. He's old enough to know better, right? Alright, he gets a little bit. Heck, so do I. Kids get all of the best stuff. I'm lucky to get one bag of fruit snacks out of the industrial sized box of eighty. And I so rarely get a juice box that when I do, I hide in the pantry to drink it so that I don't have to share. Come to think of it, I hide in the pantry a lot, eating things that are rightfully mine. Phew! I'm glad that I got that out. The guilt was overwhelming!



Now, to get to the whole profound reason for sharing our Sabbth day frenzy with you...

My three year old son J.B. is very dramatic, to make the understatement of the year. Today at church, he was in rare form. He cried frequently, spoke with his outdoor voice throughout prayers and talks and had very vocal opinions about what he would and would not do. During one of his crying scenes, I walked to the back of the chapel and was holding his 40 lb body while speaking quietly and rocking him on my hip. I thought that it would distract him to blow a bubble with my chewing gum. I made a beautiful bubble with about a three inch diameter and even managed to pinch it off with my lips so that it would not deflate on its own. It distracted him alright! He decided to pop my bubble by hitting it with his gargantuan dome. He slammed his blond afro covered head directly into my top lip, splitting it clean open and making my gum taste warm and salty. I think that he was very lucky that we were in a church building with so many christian witnesses. To avoid harsh judgement, I set him down and breathed deeply and calmed myself before I could retalliate. I was a good girl.

When the meeting was finally over, I mean, when it regrettably came to an end, I gladly sent J.B. to class with his big brother. Benjamin bolted immediately after the meeting and my husband drove the escape car. I put lip gloss over my fat lip, kissed my next antagonist and carried that chubby boy to the next meeting.

P.S. My husband wanted me to make sure to mention that he had held the troops at bay while I fixed our daughter's hair, left to nurse the baby (and enjoyed every minute of my extended visit with the other ladies even after my lactation duties were complete :), and focused on J.B. the two or three times that I had to get up with him. He is an amazing husband and I would never survive without him. (No money was paid for this endorsement).